Via Paypal
Email Communication

I am thinking of ceasing email communication with all friends, family and fans and only communicating via Paypal ‘note to seller’ message box.

I think this will help me to boost my overall brand. I hope Paypal hire me as spokesperson for their next ad campaign, I have been generating many ideas [via my hips].

I am thinking of using this image of me on my trampoline as the main motif of my next ad campaign.

I am thinking of using this image of me on my trampoline as the main motif of my next ad campaign.

Today

Today it was very sunny so I called my friends up to invite them to the park; I wanted to show them my new bracelet:

[acquired via stealing]

I have 8 friends total [via My Space top 8] and they all came to the park to meet me. 100% of them were impressed by my bracelet.

To celebrate I offered to buy a round of ice creams. I ordered 9 Mr Whippy ice creams from the nearby van and distributed them evenly. When it came time to pay I asked if I could pay via Paypal and the van driver did not understand. I have no cash or bank card so my friends had to pay for themselves.

I was upset and started shouting at my hips for not informing me I could not pay via Paypal on this occasion. Sometimes I consider my hips to be the weakest part of my brain. :(

Here is my reaction, caught on CCTV, when I discovered Tesco Metro does not accept Paypal.

Here is my reaction, caught on CCTV, when I discovered Tesco Metro does not accept Paypal.

My Space

I was just consulting with my hips regarding ‘social media’ and they have told me I need to set up a ‘My Space’ page in order to get signed to a record label. I will do this first thing tomorrow.

xxx

Dear Diary 3/4/11

Dear Diary,

I have traveled along the whole world and I have learned many things. I want to teach people the things I have learned.

My favourite website is eBay. I learn many tricks via eBay.

Always ‘watch’ something you wish to purchase. I apply this technique to life. I have been watching many items I wish to purchase from my local supermarket. Here are top of my ‘wishlist’.

I watch them and take them to the till for purchase, but I have been unable to secure them as my preferred payment method [paypal] is currently unaccepted in Tesco Metro.

I was speaking to my hips and they suggested I steal what I desire. I am unsure of whether this is the right course of action. I need these products in order tor each my full potential; to compete with the cream of the crop. I want to be a POPSTAR.

How am I to be the best that I can be if I make compromises?

I have no cash and I have lost my bankcard. I cannot compromise right now. The longer I go without the items on my wishlist, the stronger my desire is to comply with my hips [via stealing].

I will get what I seek.

Shakira xxxx

There are no internal organs in your hips.
The NHS
Rihanna

I know it is never good to trash talk your peers, but I was discussing pop star RIHANNA with my hips and my hips said to just get it all out in the open.

I really can’t stand Rihanna.

I heard a rumor her record label pays her via Paypal.

She had never even heard of Paypal until I introduced her to it.

I FOUND IT FIRST

She is trying to be the ‘voice’ of Paypal now.

Well, I AM THE VOICE OF PAYPAL. MY HIPS DO NOT LIE TO ME AND THEY HAVE TOLD ME I SHALL SIGN A DEAL WITH PAYPAL TO BE IN THEIR NEXT AD CAMPAIGN SO BACK OFF, RIHANNA.

SxSw

I hope I get signed while I am in Houston, Texas later this month for the ‘SXSW’ festival. I hear this is where all the best pop stars get discovered.

I have booked my hotel via Paypal already. I am having difficulty booking flights via Paypal, but I shall succeed before the sun sets on Houston.

Your career will b mine, Houston.

New Album Idea

I’ve been working on a concept album about a town inside my hips. I got this idea while looking at my hips in a polaroid photograph (my hips do not lie to me).